Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Blog #20: My Debut Emotobook

Posted: December 11, 2012 in Uncategorized

I began writing my 1st book back in 1998, simply giving a concept an idea. In 2000, the idea grew and I gathered personal real life experience to the book idea, thus creating an outline. It was here I learned that full length novels were not going to be my forte but instead, short stories were my ticket. By 2002, the book was well underway with a cover, a title, a concept, a fluid arrangement of consecutive short stories that interlinked, and a series of plots that fed off each story. The book was called BLOODDAY. In 2005, I finished it, and put it on a shelf in a manuscript box until 2009. I loved it but was embarrassed by it for it never saw the light of a real editor. In late 2010, I put the book on Amazon.com for the Kindle and I sold 13 copies. I removed it in 2011, again embarrassed for even putting it online.

I loved each story and I liked the unique way each story tells the entire book, like ores in a canoe, guiding the book along. What I was most embarrassed about was simple: me. I write as passion; a hobby, for fun. I can write anything and I can say, “I like this.” Someone else’s opinion is a different story! If John Doe from The Windy City says, “You’re book sucks.”, I wouldn’t care. I would smile, thank him for reading it, and be on my way to write some more, hopefully better. But if some famous author said that, I admit, I’d be in the corner re-enacting The Fly crying, “Heeelp Me! Heeelp ME!” I didn’t go to college to be a writer, nor have I taken any creative writing courses. Just College Comp I & II, that’s it.

I began helping others with their stories, ideas, overview, drafts, concepts, illustrations, directions, and projects; completely ignoring my own. But then, in the midst of discovering Twitter, I met someone. A ‘THE WALKING DEAD’ fan who also is an editor: Alexis Jenny, and she told me about Grit City Publications and what they do. A month later, I submitted all 7 stories from BLOODDAY and another short story to them, just to see what they thought, nothing thinking any of the 8 would be liked. To my complete surprise, they accepted 5 of the 8 to be formed into Emotobooks! I never saw this coming!!!

I’m proud to say that after under a year of learning the company’s mission goal, discovering what an Emotobook is (which is the future of eBooks, ladies and gentlemen), and the incredible production staff, I am proud to announce that all my 10 years of hobby writing short stories, wrestling episodes, and project building with other authors has FINALLY paid off, and in a BIG WAY! With the powerful help of my editor Rebecca M. Hoffman, the Grit City Publishing CEO Ron Gavalik, and the newest illustrator to the company Darcy Lynn, my debut Emotobook TABAKA will be hitting eReaders world-wide!

Click this link to learn about Grit City Publications from Pittsburg PA, Emotobooks, all the Emotobook authors : http://www.gritcitypublications.com/Grit_City_Publications/Emotobooks.html

But as for what TABAKA is about begins with a question for you: If you were able to have perfect posture, self-healing capabilities, scar free and unblemished skin, uncontrollable pheromones, be ageless for decades, and be completely desirable to anyone; what would you sacrifice about yourself to have such a life? Your dignity? Your morals? Your soul? And what if you had no choice but to subdue to this lifestyle under restraint, forced to be attractive and beautiful for people were your meal ticket to perfection, as well as your meal itself? How would you live? How would you cope? Well, meet Sarah Dayer.

An ageless and pompous creature named TABAKA inhabits itself into Sarah Dayer for the rest of her life, offering her everything she needs to exist like no other human. What would be considered medical gifts, such as being physically flawless and immune to all diseases, Sarah finds these so-called miracles as bounded traps to keep Its existence inside her body. After a year of dealing with Tabaka’s existence, and after self-analyzing everything she’s ever learned about It, she believes she knows the way to remove It from the world before it can cause the living nightmare of Tabaka to exist in someone else. (TABAKA, the debut Emotobook from Grit City Publications written by Jason D. Bryant, edited by Rebecca M Hoffman, and illustrated by Darcy Lynn; coming January 2013!)

Until Next Time,

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Blog #18: Right Here, Write Now!

Posted: November 14, 2012 in Uncategorized

We, the greatest procrastinators, have said them all: “It’s on my To-Do list.” “I’ll get to it after my show.” “When I get off work, I’ll tackle it right away.” “This weekend, I’ll get it done.” “Yeah, I’ll be able to work on it when the kids move out or when pigs fly, which ever happens first!” “During Christmas break is when I’ll finish it.” “You find me the time, I’ll work on it then!” “I can’t finish it, my computer is messed up again, running too slow.” and the classic, “I’ll do it later because I’ll have all the free time in the world!”

And yet…there “it” sits, awaiting your attention! So, dare I ask, what is “it”? An incomplete scrapbook? A manuscript that needs editing? Due homework? A list of chores? An unsorted pile of bills on the kitchen bar? A book that isn’t finished being read? WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE WHAT “IT” IS, RIGHT?!

Right!

So, what are you waiting for? Get it done and out of the way! Why do we wait and postpone the inevitable ? Oh, but even better, when we FINALLY DO finish the project, there is a rush of self-accomplishment and pride, right? The thought of, “Yes! It’s finished! I’m awesome and they’re going to love this! or I’m awesome and that was so worth it!” Why do we torture ourselves during that time of procrastination to finish something when the results of finishing the project are satisfying? It’s like buying your favorite dessert and leaving it in the fridge for a week or two, and then, out of the blue, you finally eat it satisfyingly! Why do we put ourselves through that?

Whatever your project is, regardless of what it is, DO IT! FINISH IT! GET IT DONE! COMPLETE IT! Gain that sense of pride and accomplishment as soon as possible to keep the drive of finishing projects going. Don’t deny what you deserve: the completion of a goal with results that can, and probably will, cause you to want to do more, create more, finish more, and feel satisfied with your goal settings!

Til next time…

The YMCA. Local restaurants like Pizza Hut. Convenience stores, such as 7-11 and Dairy Mart. Laundromats. The airport.  Hobby shops. The Mall. The entrances to superstores like Hills, Ames, or Wal-Mart. Once, long ago, they were everywhere! I’m talking about what each of these places once had in common: Arcades!

They were everywhere parents needed to be! And the kids told the parents, “We’ll wait for you by the arcade!” mesmerized by games that could never be conquered by a lone quarter. Yet, we tried anyway. Some of us begged for quarters, others mowed lawns in the neighborhood just to crack the High Score that could have been made by your best friend.

(However, I do recall a lot of High Scorer’s initials being A.S.S., which was weird! Must be a big family…!)

Anyway, many of us remember first true popular single consoles like Pac-Man, Donkey Kong, & Centipede.  As the years went on, the machines grew bigger and fancier, like Rootbeer Tapper & Slalom, that themed themselves like the game with large fancy displays instead of the traditional erect rectangle. Then came The Wheel controller that powered your vehicle: Spy Hunter, Super Sprint, & Off Road. All these video game consoles were also high up and standing.

That began to change…

Driving games, such as Hard Driving & S.T.U.N.N.E.R. began to have models to where you actually sat down! These games were amazing, for playing made you really a part of the game experience. But the arcade world would enhance to moving seat games, like Afterburner!

But something happened; an idea was created! Why should arcade games be limited to 2 people?

Games such as Golden Axe, Gauntlet, and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles began to evolve, taking a screen the size of Afterburner and putting 4 joysticks and 8 buttons in front of it brought new life to the stand up consoles. Quickly there after, the large screen was replaced by duel screens, expanding the game experience to wide screen, such as X-Men.

But two buttons was still not enough.

Emerged from the arcade geniuses came legends such as Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat, & Killer Instinct: fighting games that used combos from 5 buttons to, but limited to, 7 buttons to execute gory special effects. And with these tournament style games came a barrage of sports games that blew away the competition with multiple buttons, large screens, and growing crowds such as NBA Jam, NFL Blitz, & Golden Tee!

However, back in the dusty realm of the arcades still sat the legends of the arcade creation, and not just Ms. Pac-Man, Galaga, & Sinistar, but Pinball machines! Horizontal rectangular games with amazing special features, unique ball shooters, and orange dot matrix screens to give the game theme new life!

Crowds began to draw near to every make and model of console that erupted into an existence of its own: The Arcade.

Thanks to the Almighty Quarter, the arcade universe as unstoppable! Quarters flew in and out of machines faster than kids were losing pinball games thanks to the creation of the Multi-Ball feature! Inside any arcade, you would hear the latest pop songs, the buzzing of basketball games, the losing of characters as they’d fall of the screen to their deaths, kids laughing, even the sounds of kids dancing on  huge platforms to see who, by points, could dance better to horrible music! The arcade universe was alive!

But not for much longer…

Game creations turned to consoles. Consoles turned to tournaments. Tournaments turned to home units, such as Nintendo & Sega. Arcades began to shrink as home units matured into the Super Nintendo & Playstation. Consoles began to disappear, along with the stores that used to house them. The arcade universe shrunk smaller and faster than the popularities of the Neo-Geo & Dreamcast. X-Box crawled out of the ashes and Playstation 2 battled for supremacy as the GameCube held onto Mario like a fat kid with his last donut.

The realm of the arcade shriveled down even further with the overwhelming popularity of the Playstation 3, X-Box 360, and the Nintendo Wii. The arcade universe turned to a realm of darkness and despair.  The realm is now a wasteland of crane games, cheesy Big Bertha games, and useless ticket contest games to where you actually win paper tickets for pathetic prizes that you wouldn’t spend real money on!

The wasteland has turn to myth. The myth of arcades has turned to legend.

Kids today think an arcade is a place that has 3 video games inside a motel or in the back of a shoe store. No, an arcade used to thrive, live, breathe, and enlighten the greatest of gamers of all ages. There is rumor of a place called Dave & Busters that has what an arcade used to be like, but I’m sure that is just a myth to turn to legend, too, one day.

(Okay, I’ve had my fun! Today I was tweeting about the pros and cons of going to or being at an arcade! I hope you enjoy and got a good laugh. If you laughed hard, I know your age! 🙂 Thanks for reading and I hope you can relate to the tweets below!)

You wanted to go to #PizzaHut for dinner just so you could play & eat at the arcade tables! Yessss! #ArcadeHeaven

You go to the arcade empty-handed but you find a few dropped quarters under the consoles! Yesss! #ArcadeHeaven

You intentionally TILT! the pinball machine someone’s playing on cause they’re gonna beat your High Score! #ArcadeHeaven

You discover that if you turn off the arcade game & turn it back on, sometimes you get a free game! Yesss! #ArcadeHeaven

You have no money. You check all the games & find a pinball machine with credits left! FREE GAME! Yessss! #ArcadeHeaven

You’re watching another kid play a game and he says to you, ”Here, finish my game! I gotta go!” Yesss! #ArcadeHeaven

You only have $0.25 and you discover someone else has already put $0.25 into a $0.50 game! Yesss! #ArcadeHeaven

Your favorite 4-Player arcade game has 2 screens; one is perfect but the other is badly distorted! Noooo! #ArcadeHell

You’re playing Gauntlet with 3 other players & everyone is stuck, thanks to the Red Transports! Noooo! #ArcadeHell

You got the High Score after spending $3.00 on 1 game just to have it erased when they shut it off! Noooo! #ArcadeHell

Your $0.25 doesn’t register and gets stuck! And worse, the red square COIN RETURN button is jammed! Noooo! #ArcadeHell

You only have $0.50 left to use. Your favorite game is $0.50 but one coin is a CANADIAN QUARTER? Nooooo! #ArcadeHell

You find a driving game & sit down in the seat. You insert $0.25 and you discover THE PEDAL’S BROKE! Noooo! #ArcadeHell

You insert $0.25 into the game & begin to play when you discover YOUR ‘SHOOT’ BUTTON DOESN’T WORK! Noooooo! #ArcadeHell

You pick up the gun controller & insert $0.25. The game begins as you discover THE LASER IS WAY OFF! Nooooo! #ArcadeHell

‘INSERT COIN’ flashes on the screen. You insert your last $0.25. Then is flashes: ‘1/2 INSERT COIN’ Noooooo! #ArcadeHell

(Oh, and one more things…)

On #arcade games, why did the WINNERS DON’T DO DRUGS screen picture ‘Only’ show up ‘After’ you lost? #MixedMessages

Comedy…either you can write it or you can’t; there is no grey area.

In my professional writing opinion, it is the hardest genre to write. If you were in a room by yourself for an entire year, completely cutoff from the world, and you tried to write comedy, your mind would have to venture deep into your psyche to recall previous embarrassing moments in life, funny things ‘other’ people have said, or just that goofy person you knew that could crack a joke at any second. Right?

A lot of comedy is portrayed from physical pain, via The Three Stooges, South Park, America’s Funniest Home Video’s, & not to go outdated but The Keystone Cops. It’s not the pain that makes us laugh, but like everything else, it’s the reactions. Same as if someone said something off color, absurd, unintended racism, or just plain old off-the-wall random left-of-the-ballpark weird. It’s the reactions to others that is the laughable of the funny.

Westerns, Horror, Comedy, Action, Drama; they’re all the same in one aspect: it’s the character(s) that make us cry, laugh, excited, or afraid. We can relate to a hero, or a vigilante, or a person in a comedy movie that is the butt of each joke. That’s what make stories so great: they are relatable!

Below is a character that I created after thinking about how to make something disturbingly serious into something comical. I’ve said it before: comedy is not my strong suit, but I like to flex my funny bone now and then, just so it doesn’t become completely worthless. These are tweets from me about a man who is trying to commit suicide and keeps messing up each attempt:

THE STUPID SUICIDALIST

I tried to kill myself by jumping out of a window 30 times! (FYI: Basement windows don’t work…) #StupidSuicidalist

I tied a brick to my ankle & I’m sitting in the pool’s deep end! (I wish these kiddies would leave!) #StupidSuicidalist

I just swallowed an entire bottle of pills! (However, these Flintstone Vitamins taste really good!) #StupidSuicidalist

Overdosing on this container of mushrooms will kill me! (Awe damnit! They put peppers on the pizza!) #StupidSuicidalist

I just found the perfect plastic bag to suffocate myself with! (Gotta take out the grapes first…) #StupidSuicidalist

I’m at The Running Of The Bulls to die! (…but the Chicago referees are kicking me off the court!) #StupidSuicidalist

My wife’ll kill me after I confess I cheated 15 years ago! (She says she still sleeps with my Dad!) #StupidSuicidalist

I’m gonna shoot guns on the White House lawn! That’ll work! (Awe Man! They’re doing fireworks NOW?!) #StupidSuicidalist

Got myself 3 cases of O’Dules! Time to die the fun way: drunk! (Oh yeah, this will work for sure!) #StupidSuicidalist

I’m downtown in the bad section throwing up the wrong gang signs! (Why are people calling me Spock?) #StupidSuicidalist

Watch! I’m gonna go up and slap that raging bull! (Bartender says it only works if you sit on it…!) #StupidSuicidalist

Desperate measures! I’m lying still on the railroad tracks! (Hope I don’t break my son’s train set!) #StupidSuicidalist

I’ve tied the noose knot tight & I’m jumping off the chair! (…I forgot to loop it around my neck!) #StupidSuicidalist

Goodbye world! I’m sticking 2 knives in the outlet! (Oh yeah….I forgot, they cut off my power…) #StupidSuicidalist

I’ve a hose to the exhaust of my car taped to the inside of the window! (Good thing I have a Hybrid!) #StupidSuicidalist

I’m on the front lawn with a metal antenna awaiting for lightning! (Wish the snow would go away…!) #StupidSuicidalist

Chop my face with this axe! Here! *THUNK* (Dude! You dented my Mom’s body spray can! I’m in trouble!) #StupidSuicidalist

I’m in westside Detroit wearing a cowboy hat & boots! (Apparently no one here in Detroit, TX cares!) #StupidSuicidalist

I’d headbutt a unicorn if I could! (But if I mess up my daughters stuffed animals, she’ll hit me!) #StupidSuicidalist

I’m going to venture through this cave blindfolded! (WOW! IT’S FREEZING IN HERE! Do I smell beer?!) #StupidSuicidalist

Yes, I do have ALL the Suicidal Tendencies! (They’re my sister’s CD’s. I prefer Michael Bolton!) #StupidSuicidalist

I’m going to crash the gate & kick that Wild Stallion! *BING!* (OWE! GODDAMN MERRY-GO-ROUND POLE…!) #StupidSuicidalist

I’m sneaking up & going to punch that polar bear! *WHAM!* (Crap, I cut my hand on that Coke bottle!) #StupidSuicidalist

I’m going to rush the crowd, jump in that ring, & bitch-slap Mike Tyson! (…after I beat Glass Joe!) #StupidSuicidalist

I plugged in the radio, filled up the tub, & threw the radio in! (Should I be in the water, too…?) #StupidSuicidalist

Ah-ha! Electrocution by a car battery will kill me! (but I can’t get the AA’s out of this toy car…) #StupidSuicidalist

I bought a gun without a permit, loaded it, & I’m firing at my head! (…and shot water into my ear!) #StupidSuicidalist

That’s it! Forget it! I’m slitting my wrists! (Damn! These butter knives are dull as hell…!) #StupidSuicidalist

Hope you had a chuckle or two! I wrote them for two reasons: 1: to hopefully make someone laugh in the Twitter Universe. 2: I was pondering how to develop this character for a future story, if at all possible. I was successful in both enough to make a person RT a few of them and I got my short story plot for this bumbling man!

Metaphoric Writing Lesson of this blog: In order to make a great snowman, you need to begin with just a simple small snowball. Roll that snowball around for a while. Before you know it, you’ll have your base. Throw around another snowball for a while and find your center. The rest of the snowman is easy detailing work, and before you know it. you are staring at your creation!

Til’ Next Time…

The dreaded “Box”! We all know it, we all have heard about it, yet no one can see it or feel it or touch it! And, yet, we’re all warned about it! Teachers, professors, friends, colleges, co-workers, supervisors, ; they all tell us to “Think outside it” when ever we’re looking for advice, ideas, or solutions to problems. But what IS “The Box”?

Inside the 4 walls of “The Box” contains a horrendous, visceral creature! It goes by hundreds of names from multiple cultures over thousands of years: The Typical, The Everyday, The Usual…but the most common word for this menace? The Norm! (dun-dun-duaaa!)

There is a way to free yourself from the clutches of this nightmarish existence. People, everyday, are gripped by its vicious, talon-like claws and are forced to think, or create, or visualize with its powerful mind-control ability of In-Sync! Here are a few ways and examples to never get caught on the blind side by this demented and frustrated adversary:

#1 Twist the facts: We carefully peel and eat bananas, yes? The sound of human skin ripping and tearing is stomach churning, true? If you’re thinking of doing an unusual horror/sci-fi story, then twist the facts! What if a world of living bananas shopped for other living species of animals & humans, and a banana would grab a human off the shelf, peal him four ways, and devour him without a careless thought about the life being lost? It’s weird, bizarre, and completely out of The Box’s grip!

#2 Write what you wouldn’t say out loud: You’re driving with your grandparents in the car. While at a light, there is a severely overweight man on the corner waiting to cross. He’s sweating profusely and his shorts are like his socks: way too high. As he passes past your car, he farts. You can’t wait to burst out laughing, but you won’t because of your grandparents reactions to your lack of respect. You now have a character or a scene to use in your comedy work!

Last, but FAR FROM LEAST…

#3 Opposite the obvious: Statues don’t move, mirrors are exactly what we see in reverse, speakers exspell sound, clouds are in the sky, all cars use gas, you read books, tables have legs that don’t move, etc. Well? Opposite the obvious! Statues can move, mirrors reflect what we can’t see, speakers listen to sounds, clouds are underwater, alternative fuels, books read you, tables can walk, etc. The possibilities are endless!

We have seen a great deal of authors, singers, songwriters, directors, and other creative people escape the creature in “The Box”. Horror & Sci-Fi stories are great examples, such as cowboy stories that take place in space. Action & Romances are wonderful additions, too, like a married couple celebrating their 50th anniversary when the church is overrun by FBI agents. How about the music industry? Who would have though two men who rap about being serial killer clowns who work the judgemental missions from God for over 20 years?!

They say, “Everything has already been done, just tweeked or redone.” For those who are not enslaved by “The Box”, we disagree!

– Til next time

Have you asked yourself these questions or made these excuses:

“I don’t know what to write!” “I can’t think of anything good!” “I want to write this story but will anyone care for it?” “Is this going to be a great seller or will it be a waste of my time?” “Oh, I am so suffering for writers block!” “I want everyone to like this story but know one knows me.” “Am I good enough to write?”

I have an opinion on each one of these questions, concerns, and comments that bring down each and every author, famous and unknown. There is a solution to every writer’s block case, for each person who wishes to write but fear stops them, and for every shred of self-doubt that all artists have. And here it is:

Write for the audience of YOU!

There is an old politican quote, “Fling enough bullshit on the barn wall, and eventually something will stick.” This technique actually works but this is for desperate people who are seeking an audience. Being an author or an artist of self expression, this should never be the case. George Lucas didn’t make Star Wars for an audience of a grandscale, and 20th Century FOX didn’t see it going anywhere at all, ever. (That’s why they let him keep ALL the rights!) He did it because it was the story he enjoyed and he wanted to tell. And look how history & the world has changed because of one man’s simple story that became a universal phenominan!

George Lucas, Nora Roberts, Danielle Steel, Stephen King, Eli Roth, Wes Craven, R.L. Stein, Stephenie Meyer, James Cameron, Steven Speilberg, Stan Lee, Oscar Wilde, H.G. Wells, Dav Pikley, J.R.R. Tolkien, James Patterson, William Peter Blatey, Margaret Mitchell, Ray Bradbury, & Gene Roddenberry: every single one these artists/writers had a simple idea and wrote what they enjoyed reading about, dreaming about, thinking about, or just plain had an interest in the topic. (History did the rest.)

The same should go for YOU, the writer. If the topic or genre or inspiration is enough for you to say, “Hhmmm?”, then that is where it begins. Just the interest in the story alone is the fuel that begins the artists’s fire of involvement & dedication. In Laymen’s terms: write what you would enjoy reading, create would you would enjoy seeing.

However, there is one more step in this process of easing your mind, and this is a key important factor: write what you know! If you are a die-hard racing fan and you wish to write a book, I wouldn’t recommend writing a fictional novel about some villiage civil war in 17th century China! If you are a fun-lover of cartoon & childrens books and you wish to write a children’s story, i wouldn’t recommend doing a thesis on the mind of Adolph Hilter & how Play-Doh was invented; and how they nsync! Write a story based off racing. If you have a fear and want to write a scary story, write what you fear. No one knows more about you and your interests than YOU!

In closing to this advise in self help, I leave you with a quote that many claim, both fictional & non-fictional but nonetheless, it’s a great line (…and I wish I really knew who said it first):

“Don’t be a great man, just be a man. Let history make its own judgements.”

Til next time-

Yes, I am a DIEHARD FridayThe13th / Jason Voorhees fanatic! Movies, posters, collectables, books, comics, soundtracks, autographs from actors/actresses: I have a huge amount of the whole shebang! My wife and I in 2005 even married in March on FridayThe13th, which she agreed to just for me! (That’s love, people!) LOL

My FridayThe13th this year was hectic (first time ever!) and I was trying to put myself in a goofy mood to ease my frustrations of the workday. While texting my older brother, we started making our after work FridayThe13th plans, which movies to watch, which pics to put on our phones, etc. Now, as an author, comedy isn’t my strong suit, but I started making FridayThe13th jokes with him via texting and I started to make myself laugh.

Before I knew it, the night was over, work was done, and I had written over 30 FridayThe13th jokes as if the movies were real and they were taking place with kids/teens/councelors today. These are all the FridayThe13th jokes, all original, written by me; some influenced from my older brother. (Thanks bro!)

I hope, if you are a FridayThe13th fan, you have at least one good laugh. Enjoy!

FRIDAYTHE13th JOKE/TWEETS

TeenB: When I see Jason, I’ll shoot him in the balls!

Kid: Before or after he stabs you in the face?

#FT13thKidsToday

My ugly girlfriend wore a burlap sack til I stole Jason’s mask for her. Now she can breathe better!

#FT13thKidsToday

Boy: Get Outta The Water! Jason’s Coming!

TeenG: I’M IN THE TUB, YOU PERV…

–Thwank!–

Boy: Told ya.

#FT13thKidsToday

TeenB: Jason can’t find you up in a tree! Climb!

TeenG: Prove it!

TeenB: Okay! Stay down here and wait!

#FT13thKidsToday

(canoeing)

Boy: I SEE JASON IN THE WATER!

Counselor: WHERE?!

Boy: Geez! It’s just my missing goldfish!

#FT13thKidsToday

(canoeing)

Girl: I see Goldie in the water!

Counselor: Your fish?

Girl: No, my missing twin sister!

#FT13thKidsToday

TeenB: Let’s screw in the Tiny Tot’s cabin! They’re still dead in there and Jason never backtracks!

#FT13thKidsToday

Counselor: I’ll protect you! I don’t do drugs, drink, swear, or have sex!

(All the kids point & laugh)

#FT13thKidsToday

Girl: Jason killed her with a cinder block, sir.

Cop: Are you sure?

Boy: Yes, we have concrete evidence!

#FT13thKidsToday

Counselor: Don’t worry kids, I’m a virgin. Jason won’t kill me.

BOY: Wow! I guess nobody wants you!

#FT13thKidsToday

TeenG: You’re safe with me kids. I’m a virgin.

TeenB: But…

TeenG: I MEANT MY BROWN CHERRY, STEVEN!

#FT13thKidsToday

Boy: Jason sees US! Trick him!

Girl: How?

Boy: Act handicap, like Helen Keller, Quasimodo, or Snookie!

#FT13thKidsToday

TeenG: No, we’re not having sex by the lake!

TeenB: Jason won’t interfere! He doesn’t kill ugly chicks!

#FT13thKidsToday

Brother: If Jason killed me at camp, what would you do?

Sister: I’d tell Mom I get your room!

#FT13thKidsToday

TeenG: Ssh! Jason’s coming!

TeenB: Flash your boobs!

TeenG: What’ll that do?!

TeenB: Give me a boner!

#FT13thKidsToday

Boy: Has Jason ever killed anyone by using a hockey stick?

Girl: He’s not Canadian, you R-Tard!

#FT13thKidsToday

Girl: I’m Scared! I Wish My Mom Was Here!

Boy: To protect you?

Girl: No! So Jason’d kill her & not me!

#FT13thKidsToday

Boy: Who could kill Jason faster – Jackie Chan, Bruce Lee, or Jet Li?

Chuck Norris Jr.: My Dad!

#FT13thKidsToday

Counselor shouting: JASON! YOU’RE MAMA’S SO STUPID, SHE’S…

Kids: Oh hell no! We’re outta here!

#FT13thKidsToday

Counselor Fighting Jason: I’m gonna poke’ur eye out & skull fuck it, cause it looks like grandmas cunt!

#FT13thKidsToday

Boy finds Jason’s Mask & puts it on to scare girls.

Boy1: GGRRR!

Boy2: You found his cup, you dumbass!

#FT13thKidsToday

Counselor: Okay kids, if you see Jason, what do you do?

Kids: Push’r ass down & run the other way!

#FT13thKidsToday

Girl: OMG, He’s Killing Her! Quick! Call 9-1-1! HURRY!

Boy: Can’t You See I’m Busy YouTubing This?!

#FT13thKidsToday

Kid1: He’s Real! Shit, He See’s Us! RUN! OMG RUN!

Kid2: No wait, hold up a minute! I gotta tweet this!

#FT13thKidsToday

Jason, mumbling behind his mask at a handicap kid: I used to look just like you once!

Kid: TIMMY!

#FT13thKidsToday

Girl: I bet Jason wears a mask ’cause his skin glitters in the sunlight, like Edward. BoyToGirl: SLAP!

#FT13thKidsToday

Kid1: I bet when Jason takes a shit, he grunts like ”Co comm Mmo moonn! Jjjuussstt Sshh Ssh Shhiitt!”

#FT13thKidsToday

Kid1: If you see Jason, follow him!

Kid2: Why?

Kid1: Wherever Jason goes, theirs bound to be boobs!

#FT13thKidsToday

Kid1: JASON’S COMING! WHAT’RE WE GONNA DO?!

Kid2: Quick, dumbass! Throw an Angry Bird at him!

#FT13thKidsToday

Kid1: SHIT! Jason has an axe! RUN!

Kid2: Well good! He can chop the firewood cause I ain’t doin’ it!

#FT13thKidsToday

Girl: OMG! JASON KILLED OUR COUNSELOR!! WE’RE GONNA DIE!! (Oh sweet, he left her iPod! I call Dibs!)

#FT13thkidstoday

Kid: Jason can’t kill me today!

TeenG: What makes you so special?!

Kid: It’s Saturday The 14th, dork!

#FT13thKidsToday

PROMOTIONAL TWEETS

Sorry everyone, but I’m having a ball making these #FT13thKidsToday Jokes! HAPPY FRIDAY THE 13th EVERYONE!

I’m making FT13th jokes to celebrate! (click –> #FT13thKidsToday ) Check them out, hope you laugh!

Any #FridayThe13th fans out there? Click —> #FT13thKidsToday (I was in Joke Mode last night.) Hope you get a good laugh!

Just logged into Twitter via CPU & I’m FLOORED by the #FT13thKidsToday responses!! 🙂 Thank You All So Much!!! 🙂

Til next time–