Blog #11: FridayThe13th JokeTweets Made via Twitter on 4/13/2012

Posted: April 16, 2012 in Uncategorized

Yes, I am a DIEHARD FridayThe13th / Jason Voorhees fanatic! Movies, posters, collectables, books, comics, soundtracks, autographs from actors/actresses: I have a huge amount of the whole shebang! My wife and I in 2005 even married in March on FridayThe13th, which she agreed to just for me! (That’s love, people!) LOL

My FridayThe13th this year was hectic (first time ever!) and I was trying to put myself in a goofy mood to ease my frustrations of the workday. While texting my older brother, we started making our after work FridayThe13th plans, which movies to watch, which pics to put on our phones, etc. Now, as an author, comedy isn’t my strong suit, but I started making FridayThe13th jokes with him via texting and I started to make myself laugh.

Before I knew it, the night was over, work was done, and I had written over 30 FridayThe13th jokes as if the movies were real and they were taking place with kids/teens/councelors today. These are all the FridayThe13th jokes, all original, written by me; some influenced from my older brother. (Thanks bro!)

I hope, if you are a FridayThe13th fan, you have at least one good laugh. Enjoy!


TeenB: When I see Jason, I’ll shoot him in the balls!

Kid: Before or after he stabs you in the face?


My ugly girlfriend wore a burlap sack til I stole Jason’s mask for her. Now she can breathe better!


Boy: Get Outta The Water! Jason’s Coming!



Boy: Told ya.


TeenB: Jason can’t find you up in a tree! Climb!

TeenG: Prove it!

TeenB: Okay! Stay down here and wait!




Counselor: WHERE?!

Boy: Geez! It’s just my missing goldfish!



Girl: I see Goldie in the water!

Counselor: Your fish?

Girl: No, my missing twin sister!


TeenB: Let’s screw in the Tiny Tot’s cabin! They’re still dead in there and Jason never backtracks!


Counselor: I’ll protect you! I don’t do drugs, drink, swear, or have sex!

(All the kids point & laugh)


Girl: Jason killed her with a cinder block, sir.

Cop: Are you sure?

Boy: Yes, we have concrete evidence!


Counselor: Don’t worry kids, I’m a virgin. Jason won’t kill me.

BOY: Wow! I guess nobody wants you!


TeenG: You’re safe with me kids. I’m a virgin.

TeenB: But…



Boy: Jason sees US! Trick him!

Girl: How?

Boy: Act handicap, like Helen Keller, Quasimodo, or Snookie!


TeenG: No, we’re not having sex by the lake!

TeenB: Jason won’t interfere! He doesn’t kill ugly chicks!


Brother: If Jason killed me at camp, what would you do?

Sister: I’d tell Mom I get your room!


TeenG: Ssh! Jason’s coming!

TeenB: Flash your boobs!

TeenG: What’ll that do?!

TeenB: Give me a boner!


Boy: Has Jason ever killed anyone by using a hockey stick?

Girl: He’s not Canadian, you R-Tard!


Girl: I’m Scared! I Wish My Mom Was Here!

Boy: To protect you?

Girl: No! So Jason’d kill her & not me!


Boy: Who could kill Jason faster – Jackie Chan, Bruce Lee, or Jet Li?

Chuck Norris Jr.: My Dad!


Counselor shouting: JASON! YOU’RE MAMA’S SO STUPID, SHE’S…

Kids: Oh hell no! We’re outta here!


Counselor Fighting Jason: I’m gonna poke’ur eye out & skull fuck it, cause it looks like grandmas cunt!


Boy finds Jason’s Mask & puts it on to scare girls.

Boy1: GGRRR!

Boy2: You found his cup, you dumbass!


Counselor: Okay kids, if you see Jason, what do you do?

Kids: Push’r ass down & run the other way!


Girl: OMG, He’s Killing Her! Quick! Call 9-1-1! HURRY!

Boy: Can’t You See I’m Busy YouTubing This?!


Kid1: He’s Real! Shit, He See’s Us! RUN! OMG RUN!

Kid2: No wait, hold up a minute! I gotta tweet this!


Jason, mumbling behind his mask at a handicap kid: I used to look just like you once!



Girl: I bet Jason wears a mask ’cause his skin glitters in the sunlight, like Edward. BoyToGirl: SLAP!


Kid1: I bet when Jason takes a shit, he grunts like ”Co comm Mmo moonn! Jjjuussstt Sshh Ssh Shhiitt!”


Kid1: If you see Jason, follow him!

Kid2: Why?

Kid1: Wherever Jason goes, theirs bound to be boobs!



Kid2: Quick, dumbass! Throw an Angry Bird at him!


Kid1: SHIT! Jason has an axe! RUN!

Kid2: Well good! He can chop the firewood cause I ain’t doin’ it!


Girl: OMG! JASON KILLED OUR COUNSELOR!! WE’RE GONNA DIE!! (Oh sweet, he left her iPod! I call Dibs!)


Kid: Jason can’t kill me today!

TeenG: What makes you so special?!

Kid: It’s Saturday The 14th, dork!



Sorry everyone, but I’m having a ball making these #FT13thKidsToday Jokes! HAPPY FRIDAY THE 13th EVERYONE!

I’m making FT13th jokes to celebrate! (click –> #FT13thKidsToday ) Check them out, hope you laugh!

Any #FridayThe13th fans out there? Click —> #FT13thKidsToday (I was in Joke Mode last night.) Hope you get a good laugh!

Just logged into Twitter via CPU & I’m FLOORED by the #FT13thKidsToday responses!! 🙂 Thank You All So Much!!! 🙂

Til next time–


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s